e m o t i o n s

A photo a (almost-every)day #2

2012-01-30T20:24:00.000+08:00

A photo a (almost-every)day #2 :
Yesterday was the last day of holiday before I go back to work. The whole week of Chinese New Year celebrations was amazing and I really enjoyed the break. Wore my cheongsam for the last time before it goes into the wardrobe until the next opportunity to dress up :)

A photo a (almost-every)day #1

2012-01-29T01:02:00.000+08:00

A photo a (almost-every)day #1 :

Went to a live basketball match for the first time today. It was Malaysia vs Vietnam, and Malaysia won 97-86. Thoroughly enjoyed the game and built up my guts to ask to take a picture with one of the players.

The Nomad

2012-01-04T00:10:00.002+08:00

There was once a little boy who was a nomad.

Ever since he could remember, he survived on fruits he picked in the wild.

He knew not where he came from, or who his parents were.

He made friends with everyone.

Little animals were his playmates and they wrapped him warm when he slept at night.

Sometimes he would roam out of the wild and into civilisation.

He enjoyed looking at how humans lived, how they walked around in their smart attires to work

And the beautiful buildings - such a vast difference from his habitat of tall trees and prickly bushes.

He would sometimes build up his courage to speak to the people who he met.

When they spoke of their important jobs, and what they hoped to buy with the money they made -

He would stay silent and listen intently.

He listened in awe and wonder at how humans just like him could do such amazing things.

Build such majestic buildings, work at such high-flying jobs, do so much!

Most of the time, they would continue talking and he would happily listen.

But most of all, he always looked forward to listening to them talk about their families.

He loved listening to how parents spoke proudly of their children and the places they would bring them to enjoy the weekend together - but often to his disappointment, these conversations were few.

He would often imagine having a family of his own, and parents who cared for him.

Sometimes when they stopped for a moment and wondered about this boy who seemed so different,

He would quietly tell them about how he lived.

Sometimes they would listen in disbelief at how he did not even know who his parents were,

And how he had to look for a place to lay his head every night.

But mostly they never even listened.

One night after a long day wandering around one of the biggest cities he had ever been in,

Little Nomad lay down on a big wide rock and gazed at the stars that filled the sky.

The conversations he had had with the people he met that day were running through his head.

Someone had asked him that day -

"Why don't you come live in the city? You speak our language, there shouldn't be a problem for you to get a job just like us and stay happily here instead of hunting and living such a wild life in the wilderness."

He fell asleep that night underneath the stars with this question on his mind.

As the Little Nomad grew up and became a strong young man,

He would take care of the little animals who had become his family.

When they were sick, he would search far and wide for medicinal leaves to cure their illnesses.

The animals could see how kind he was and often brought him gifts to show their appreciation for his kindness.

The Nomad still sometimes visited the cities to see how they had developed,

But he no longer spoke to the humans there.

He had been too disappointed the last time when he saw how selfish they were becoming and how their families were falling apart due to their self-centredness.

Sometimes as he lay beneath the stars, he still hoped for a life like theirs -

Filled with blessings, love, and most importantly, a family.

A life where he would stop being a nomad, and settle down once and for all.

But he would be different from them.

He would be contented.

2011-12-24T01:46:00.000+08:00

For too long, I've been waiting for this..
You do the silliest of silly things to make me laugh, even when I try my best not to.
When we talk, it seems like the whole world fades away and time and space is irrelevant.
Maybe that's what the infamous Cloud Nine is. Maybe this is what it feels like to be on it.

The sweetness of youth..

2011-11-21T00:48:00.000+08:00

This weekend was one of the most unforgettable moments in my life. To step out of the city life, to enjoy delicacies in Ipoh, Sitiawan and Pangkor, and to savour the sweet moments of friendship...

I saw things which I seldom get to see because I grew up in the city..and the chance to lay in the heat of the day to take a short nap while facing the sea..and got tipsy in a school hostel..and laughed hysterically..

The sweetness and happiness of youth. It feels so so so good to have the chance to be a little bit silly before I decide to grow up :)

2011-11-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

If you hate to see me sad, why do you constantly steal my smile away? I can't seem to smile when I look at you anymore.

Moments

2011-10-17T23:35:00.001+08:00

I keep thinking of how quickly time passes by..Week by week, it just feels like we're flying through all of it.

But then there are those moments. Those moments, even just a second, a minute, which made me feel so so happy that it's all captured in my mind like a camera shot. I've been through so much, and I've made it through all of it thus far. I've learned, I've experienced, I've tried to do things which I would never have thought of doing before. I've grown up, yet inside I'm the same me.

Last week, my uni friends had a surprise birthday party for me. It was such a big surprise, and seeing some of them after 2 years was just wonderful. It was one of the most touching moments in my life. Thank you.

And most of all, I've made some really amazing friends who will forever be in my heart now and always. I love all of you so much..Life is short, make it sweet :)

2011-10-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

10th October 2011 - The day my life was shaken to the core and I decided to hold on tight to the reins. To not be afraid, to have a clear mind, and to wait for the right time to make a decision.

2011-10-08T01:12:00.000+08:00

I guess what I really want to say is...I love seeing you happy. And I wish that we can continue to make one another laugh.. for always.

To my dearest grandma..

2011-09-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, as I was driving back to Seremban to visit grandma, I suddenly remembered something which I said to her many years ago. I told her that I want to be able to give her some money each month after I start working. At that time, she seemed happy but sad at the same time, and she replied "I might not even be around anymore when you start working". Thankfully, I've had and still have the chance to keep my promise to her. I really thank God for that.

Today, as we sat together, just the two of us, she told me that she wants to leave something behind for me when she passes on or when I get married. I couldn't help feeling sad when I heard that of course, but I was also happy. Not that I want her to give me anything, but because I knew that with her circumstances, her saying that meant that she knows how much I love her.There was once in the past when I thought that I was going to lose her. As I was feeding her in the hospital then, I just prayed and prayed that God wouldn't take her away so soon. And now, I wish so much that I will have the chance to bring someone back to meet her, to assure her that I have someone who is really good to me, who will take care of me always. And that she would be there to see me at my wedding, and hold my children in her arms. I love you grandma..

You don't get to choose who you fall in love with

2011-09-21T23:33:00.001+08:00

"You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. And it never turns out the way it should"

- Adam's father in "No Strings Attached"

image from tumblr

Under the Willow Tree 柳樹下

2011-09-21T00:25:00.000+08:00

And for the 3rd post of the day, (do pardon the long long gaps between posts and now the sudden posting spree), this is a song which I'd like to share with everyone. Most people who know me probably know that all I hope for in life is to be happy. I only ask for a very simple life with my loved ones. And this song pretty much sums it up for me.

Here's a beautiful song, and I hope that all of my closest and dearest friends will be blessed with such a happy and meaningful life.

A weekend full of new experiences

2011-09-21T00:19:00.000+08:00

Last week I suddenly decided that I wanted to get away on my own and go somewhere. So I drove myself to Malacca. It was really nice to explore and to meet new people. That's one reason why I sometimes like to go places on my own - because when I'm in a group, its so much easier to just stick together and not get to know new people.

I made friends with the owner of the backpacker's hostel that I stayed in, and also his very scary-looking but actually very nice friend. We stayed up till 2.30am just talking about anything and everything. I also met my friend's family for the first time while I was in Malacca, and I loved the experience of the different culture of another race. They even invited me for the wedding of a couple who I didn't even know, and I actually went! I looked like an alien among all the beautiful people dressed up for the event, not to mention the different skin colour! But it was lovely how I was warmly received there and how good the food was!

Straight after coming back to KL, I went to a shelter home for children who were either abused by their parents or whose mothers were abused by their fathers. Once again I realised how much I really do love children. Slowly as I spend more time getting to know how children are, I realise that many times we mistake children for being naughty when they actually have their reasons for acting that way. Inside, they are all the same - vulnerable, innocent little ones who need the love and attention of their parents/adults to patiently teach them what's right/wrong in life and at the same time nurture their creative minds to explore the world and its possibilities.

So it was quite an eye-opening weekend, where I got out of my comfort zone and experienced new things and met new people. I'd really love to do this again.

2011-09-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

When I find myself feeling down and sad because of someone else's actions, I sometimes feel like giving up on me and telling myself in the face "Come look for me when you finally decide that you want to be happy!"

Because we can't control what others say or do to us, but we CAN control how we deal with their words and actions. No one can make you feel down without your permission.

This is my God...

2011-08-22T00:19:00.000+08:00

This is my God, the Servant, the King, who gave His life to rescue me..

My faith in You..

2011-08-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

There were many times in life when my faith in God wavered.
Each time, I never dared to take a step away from Him because of what others would think of me. Which made me question whether I had the 'right' type of faith to begin with. But more on that later.
Finally, there was once when I decided. I was tired. I was without hope. I just wanted out.
So I ran away. To the furthest possible place. Physically and spiritually.
After making that step, I wished I had taken that step way earlier.
Because I have never experience God's love in such a clear and personal way than I did on that journey running away from Him.
I ran from Him, only to find out that I ended up at an orphanage/children's home which was run by a pastor.
The irony - I couldn't believe it! I could not comprehend it at all.
And after that trip, each and every single time I feel that I am unconsciously slipping further from Him again, I know - I can never ever run away from Him.

Back to the question of how strong my faith was when I was a young child. I remember very clearly, writing in a little book that was very precious to me, about how much I love God. I must have been only about 4 years old. And growing up, I have never ever questioned God's existence. No matter how much my faith wavered, I have never questioned His existence. And it might be mind-boggling to some people, how I can believe in the existence of a God who you cannot see or touch. But He was the only one I had when I was growing up. There was no one else to turn to. When I had arguments with my mother, when I had difficulties in school, when I could not understand why my childhood was so different/difficult compared to my friends, who else did I have to turn to but God? He was there through it all. He saw my tears, He knew the deep deep pain I felt, the anger at the unfairness of it all, the hope that was crushed time and time again - He saw it all, and He gave me comfort which I could not ask or expect from anyone else. He brought me up, and He guided me and formed me into the person that I am today. I am not perfect, but I am His child. I am a happy person, and I still think the world is a beautiful place with wonderful people, because it was all created by Him.

My faith might seem simple to some people. So naive. But He is my best friend..and I will always love Him for being there with me through thick and thin. He is my God, my Saviour, my Friend.

2011-08-09T00:57:00.001+08:00

2011-08-07T03:15:00.000+08:00

I'm not asking for too much. Please don't tell me that I need to reduce my requirements to dirt before I can find someone who is willing/able to meet them. I think I deserve at least that.

Tough week.

2011-07-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

It's been a pretty tough week. It started off really tough, then it seemed to pick up in the middle of the week, but today was just really really bad. Mostly due to work, and a little bit due to me being paranoid about silly stuff.

But I'm looking forward to the weekend. We're going on a little holiday, which I'm going to be so thankful for :)

Hope your week was better than mine..

p/s: I went to a football match for the first time last night and it was amazing! Malaysia vs Singapore, and though we didn't win, I absolutely loved how everyone was so united. You don't very often get 85,000 people at the same place at one time, all wishing for the same thing. So here's to Malaysia, to Malaysians, and to the love for our country and for one another.

Other than you.

2011-07-22T00:07:00.000+08:00

Every step of our lives is a decision we make for ourselves.
Will you take the reins of your life? Will you hold on tight?
When the strong winds blow and force you to let go, will you stand strong and fight for your rights?
Do you conform?

Or will you take each step with a bold heart and trust that whatever decision it is that you make, no one else is to say that you were wrong, or that you were right, other than YOU.

Drained.

2011-07-21T00:26:00.000+08:00

Drained of all emotion.
Hurt by someone who I never would have thought could hurt me.
Hurt by someone else who I allowed to hurt me.
Hurt by my past, and frightened of my future.
And hurt by the loss of hope in the possibility of that happiness.

This is the tired me, the one who has tried and tried and tried. Wanting to give up but knowing I could never give up.

I know it's not gonna be easy,

2011-07-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

True love.

2011-07-04T00:11:00.001+08:00

I don't dare to say that I know much about love. I am far from an expert on this topic, and who can blame me, I'm only a little girl in the world. I used to be a silly one, too. But slowly, I am learning the meaning of true love. I have learnt in the past year that love is so much more than sweet words from the lips of someone which give you butterflies in your stomach.

While I know that love makes us willing to sacrifice of ourselves for another person, have you ever had to give up on your own happiness for the good of the other person? What I mean to say is, have you ever been faced with a situation where the person has had to choose between his/her lifelong dream, or you?

I love many. I love easily. Just like how I laugh with all my being when I hear something funny, I also love with my entire being. If I love you, I am willing to let go of my happiness if that means that you are happy. I would want you to know that though I love you so very much, and there is nothing more that I want than to be able to be with you, there is actually something more that I want. And that is seeing you happy.

So if ever someone is uncertain whether to leave me behind to pursue their dreams, I would tell them "Please, believe me, just go." For the happiness that is awaiting you is so worth the sacrifice of not being able to be with you.

And once I realized this about myself, I think I can safely say that I do know what true love is now. I wish you only the best.

It doesn't get more international than this..

2011-06-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

I went with my dad, brother and stepmom to KL today, for an event to celebrate the 113th Anniversary of the Philippines Independence Day. It was a wee bit different from how Malaysians celebrate our Merdeka Day (usually just sitting at home watching tv), but it was nice. There were performances by a few bands from the Philippines, and if there is one thing I must say about Filipinos, they can sing. I haven't met all that many Filipinos I must admit, but of all those whom I have met, they can really really sing!

So we were having a good time, just enjoying the music, when one of the bands started singing Waka Waka by Shakira. The last sentence in the chorus says "'Cos this is Africa!", and the band modified it instead to "'Cos this is Malaysia!". And at that moment, I realized how international we were. There was I, a Malaysian, attending an event to celebrate the anniversary of the Filipino Independence Day, listening to a song which was sung by a Colombian for the World Cup which was held in Africa, Malaysian version!

No matter how much violence and hatred we see in the world, we need to remember that there is still love in the world. That there is still peace among the chaos, there is respect between nations amidst the political unrest, and there is hope. There is hope that we can find in the faces of others, if we only stop for a moment in our lives to see it.

Me and fishes.

2011-06-25T23:02:00.000+08:00

I'm really really proud of myself today!! I came back to Seremban to see grandma and my aunt and cousins, and I helped my aunt cook dinner! And most of all, I learned how to take the scales off a fish, and how to clean out everything disgusting from inside the fish, to make it reallyyy tasty afterwards. Yay!! I wasn't even disgusted when I used my fingers to dig into the fish and clean out all the intestiney things. Hahaha..it felt good!

I've always found cooking to be a beautiful art. It's so amazing how happy you can make someone by cooking them something! I just never had the chance to really learn how to do it. But I plan to! It was so embarassing to admit to the children and the home in Bali that I don't know how to cook. Not that well anyway. And there they were helping out with the cooking and being so proffesional, making me look bad..LOL! I shall prove that this girl is not only an engineer, but an engineer who can cook!! Hah! :)

Time for bed, huahmmm....Goodnight!

Count on me..

2011-06-23T21:38:00.000+08:00

You can count on me, like one, two, three... - Bruno Mars, Count on Me

I want to be a part of your life, for always...
To be the person you talk to about nothing and everything...
who you don't have to keep secrets from.

I love it when you ask me for my opinion in things which do not concern me.

I want to know anything that means something to you.

And so I will support and encourage you,
I will try my best to give you strength even when I am weak myself.

Even if your aims, goals, and plans in life mean that you will have to go to a place far away,

even if they take this precious friend of mine away,

I have you in my heart,
and you will always have my support no matter what.

And most of all, when I cannot see you,
or feel you,
I will pray for you..
like I always have..because I am powerless at that moment,
powerless to help you in any way,
but as you know and I know, our God is faithful..

and He will take care of the both of us,
one here, and one there.

"Feeling rich"

2011-06-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I attended a seminar in a 5-star hotel..I arrived there quite early on my own, so I had some sandwiches and a cup of coffee. My dad has a phrase which he uses quite often with my little brother - "feeling rich". Ryan often says things like "Let's go have dinner at an expensive restaurant!" or "Why aren't we staying in a 5-star hotel?" or something to that effect. And my dad always reacts in the same way - "Wah you really 'feeling rich' ah!" Its not that we are desperately poor, but we lead really simple lives, and we were never brought up to take 5-star hotels for granted.

So while I was sitting there having my cup of coffee, I thought to myself.."I'm really 'feeling rich'!" I mean, I could just sit there in my professional-looking outfit and the world wouldn't think I looked out of place in that hotel! While my life is actually farrrr from that sort of atmosphere. This is one of the reasons why I love my job(not the only reason of course!) - I get a glimpse of another world which most people want to be a part of and appreciate it, but at the same time I don't envy that sort of life, because I love my own.

I also thought of my babies in Bali, and how nice if I could bring them to a 5-star hotel to stay for a night :)

So what?

2011-06-13T11:41:00.000+08:00

"So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down?
So what if the world just throws me off the edge and my feet run out of ground?
I've got to find my place, I want to hear my sound. Don't care about all the pain in front of me -
I just want to be happy. "

Leona Lewis, Happy.

The beginning of something wonderful..

2011-06-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to share something which I found really nice..

Beginnings are never easy
So much is still unknown
So many desires seeking fulfillment
Collide with the patient trust that
Everything is as it should be
Love does not rush
No masterpiece ever does
You do not plant the seed of a rose in the morning
And ask it to blossom by the afternoon
Lust is the first one in
And the first one out
But love…
Love is cool, calm and collected
It plays tricks on you to keep you honest
Love is a patient comedian
Who helps you to get over the fearful ego
So you have the fearlessness to BE with yourself and another
I do not ask for easy beginnings
Because I know that the One meant for me will stick
With no effort on my behalf
There is no striving for love
There is no convincing love to stay
There is just you
Your fearlessness
And trust
Love will do the rest

by Mastin Kipp on thedailylove.com

Romance.

2011-05-29T18:33:00.000+08:00

I'm not looking for romance.

I don't need sweet smelling roses,
Or glittering gifts.
I don't need public display of affection,
Or for the world to know of our attraction.
I don't need a big house,
I just want a loving home.

I won't push our children to be perfect,

Because they already will be.

I don't need you to always be by my side,

Because the certainty in my heart that we will always be together is enough.

Because the world disappears when we're together. You and I. Is enough.

-to whoever you are out there, I just haven't met you yet.

My place in this world..

2011-05-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

Finally I got to Bali again last week, and it was so hard to leave.

I have come to love the people there so very much.

I always loved riding past the rice fields, probably my favourite view in the whole world. They only just planted them in for a new cycle when I was last there..and now they're all almost ready for harvest. It seems so silly, but it felt like I was saying hello again to the rice fields..and that they recognised me, and they were welcoming me back there again.

Why?

2011-05-10T18:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you can't help but wonder - why do such people exist in our world?

How can there be so much hatred and evil in their hearts and minds?

I cannot understand this..

2011-05-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

Just 5 more days and I'll be going to see my lovely children in Bali again! I really really can't wait to see them.
I went shopping for dresses and clothes for the little ones and it was so exciting to choose the prettiest dresses and guess how much they're grown in the past 6 months since I last saw them!

But before then, its back to work tomorrow! And it has been crazy hot the past week here in Malaysia.

All I Want..

2011-05-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

This song, says what I've wanted to say better than I could have said it.

The Devil at Four O'Clock

2011-04-17T16:29:00.000+08:00

Last night, I stayed up to watch a movie called The Devil at Four O'Clock from 1961. It was a really good movie, and I've always loved classic movies. It was the first time in my life that I stayed up late watching a movie with my daddy and I just felt really happy...

The movie was about a priest on an island near Hawaii. He took care of children with leprosy in a hospital which he built for them with his own hands because the villagers wouldn't accept them in society. When a volcano near the hospital erupted and he was in town, he insisted on going up to the hospital to save them, eventhough everyone said that the whole island would be covered in lava if he didn't escape immediately. It really touched me and made me miss the children in Bali so much, because I know that if I were in that situation, I really couldn't just leave the children behind either..

2011-04-08T12:21:00.001+08:00

Today, I was told my work is appreciated. That's all I asked for..thank you for telling me.

Success to me is..

2011-04-03T15:12:00.000+08:00

Everyone has their own definition of what the word 'successful' means. To me, right now, being successful is about being able to balance both my emotions and physical energy between serving God, my family, my 2nd family in Bali, and work.

Work is increasingly challenging, but I want to try to leave all the stress behind once I step out of the office and be able to not talk about work with friends and family. I want to be able to laugh at jokes without having worries at the back of my mind. I love it when I can sit with my little brother and play computer games without being distracted. I want to be able to decide the days I can leave work early and go for a jog in the park next to my house. I am proud of the fact that I can earn my own money to pay for my own car loan, my rent, my food, give money to my grandma, and save up for visits to Bali. I love how I can be independant enough to drive down to Seremban alone to spend weekends with grandma.

I want to be able to show my boss this - that I might not have finished the work you asked me to do this morning, I might not know what you're talking about at the moment, but I want you to know that I'm trying. I'm trying my very best to catch up with you, so please bear with me. I want to be able to give my all to work when I'm at work; and give my all to the more important things in life when I'm out of the office.

This is the point of discovery in my life. I am discovering who I am, but at the same time I am in full control of the wheel to decide who I want to be. I want to be good at work. But I work to live, and not the other way around.

This is who I am and these are what I want in my life at the moment. What about you?

Online in Old Town White Coffee update

2011-03-19T10:03:00.000+08:00

I got some very good news yesterday..but I know I'm still not ready.
I love how time is such a relative thing. It can seem like it flies by when you're happy, and how it drags on and on when you aren't. And I love how everything sometimes flows so perfectly according to time if we remain patient.

On another note, I've been learning so much at work! I remember how at cell group on Friday night last week, we were asked to describe our past week in ONE word. My word was "responsibilities", because I was really getting more work and had to bear the responsibilities of solving some problems that the contractors were facing at the construction site. Then we were asked to describe the kind of week we would want to have the following week in one word, and my word was "control" because I had loads of work in the office and still had to go to the site to supervise our pre-fire inspection testing. I really hoped that I would be able to have control over the situation, and though I had to tell off one of the contractors for not completing their job, it turned out very well and work at the office was under control too.

So it has been a really exhausting week but I'm happy :)

I logged onto AirAsia to check ticket prices! Hope they don't go up too much when I get my pay next week. I really can't wait to see my babies in Bali again :)

Amelie

2011-03-06T15:10:00.000+08:00

have you watched Amelie? if you haven't, I really recommend you do. the perfect love story to me..
I wonder, who's my Nino Quincampoix?

Stronger

2011-03-02T13:23:00.000+08:00

Oftentimes we are so so much stronger than we thought we are.

Mom left on Sunday night. I prayed so hard that I wouldn't cry, and I didn't! At the airport, Mom was telling us all about her hilarious experiences during her holidays around the ASEAN countries and we were all laughing till our stomachs ached! It took our minds off her leaving, and it made things so much less painful saying goodbye.

My new room is nice and cosy, though I haven't finished unpacking. Still no internet, so this post is coming from my office! Haha! I've been trying to keep myself busy to take my mind off the silence of being alone, but last night my mom and brother rang, and hearing their voices made me so sad!

But I know I'll be ok.. :) And I look forward to saving up and travelling somewhere soon..I haven't decided where yet.

A secret little path..

2011-02-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

There's this little secret road that I use at times on the way home..I discovered it one day while trying to bypass the heavy traffic, but ever since then, I use it not only on days when the traffic is bad, but also when I'm feeling sad. For some reason, the houses there reminded me a lot of Bali. They don't look anything like the houses in Bali actually, but the feeling that this little area gave me was of warmth and a 'village/kampung' kind of feeling. Considering it was just one road away from the highway, it was like discovering a hiding place from all the chaos outside.

Today the roads were horribly jammed up on the way back again. It took me 2 hours to reach home, but I'm not complaining. No more 2-hour drives to and from work beginning next week! :)
So I took my little secret route through my little secret village. And I saw the most beautiful picture as I was passing by which has made me fall even more in love with the place. I saw a young Chinese mother carrying her baby and chatting away happily with her Malay neighbour and her children in front of their house. At the same time, there was an old Malay lady with a walking stick, slowly walking down the street, held by an Indian friend of hers - you could see they've been friends a long time. I wished I could stop and give them all a hug for reminding me of how the races can get along better than just casual Hi's and Bye's.

It's ironic, but have you ever noticed how the higher-educated people tend to be more racist in this country? Try going outside the city and I'm sure you'll be surprised at how close the people are to each other, regardless of language or colour. I really think it's time be reminded of the simplicities in life. I know certain policies are not equal for the races, but it wasn't your next door neighbour who set the rules. They didn't do anything wrong by being born of a different race, so give them a chance and get to know them. I'm speaking to myself as much as anyone else reading this, because though I've never been a racist, it surprises me how little I know about the cultures of other races, because I've never really been encouraged to get to know them better.

So there, a little lesson that my secret little path down a less travelled road has taught me. :)

What money can't buy...

2011-02-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

Money can't buy me a job that I love,
Money can't give me bosses who are patient and understanding,
Money can't buy me colleagues who are cooperative and willing to teach,
It can't buy me a loving family,
Or the laughter that we share.
It can't buy me health for my loved ones,
Money can't buy me the wonderful experience of meeting people from different backgrounds and realising that they are as much a creation of God as we are - perfect and loved by Him.

Oops I'm talking about work..

2011-01-31T01:10:00.000+08:00

I try not to talk much about work once I get home but I'm really feeling so excited about my job at the moment!I've been learning more and more stuff, and I'm really getting a hang of it.

This week I was at one of our project construction sites for 3 days, and it was EXHAUSTING. We were there to check that all the fire protection systems are in place before the authorities come for the official testing. It was the first time I got to conduct this testing, and I was a little bit nervous at first - I didn't know how the contractors on site were going to react to a lady engineer. They could have just ignored and disrespected me, but they didn't! The first 2 days, I was there with my project manager, so there wasn't much of a problem. The true test came on the 3rd day when I had to go alone. I had to conduct the checks, but if the contractors treated me as a nobody, they wouldn't cooperate and do it properly. But it turned out that they were soooo respectful and they listened to me, and everything went so smoothly!

It's a funny situation when a younger person like me, especially a lady, has to give instructions to men who are so much older and who have so much more experience. But everything turned out amazing. The respect that they gave me makes me respect them even more.

Because the lifts weren't installed yet, we had to climb all the way up, and go back all the way down, a few times. By the end of it all, my legs muscles were really feeling like I had an intense workout at the gym!

On another note, I got my IELTS exam score on Friday, and I got 8.5 !! For those who don't know, this is an English exam, and I was really nervous about it when I sat for it. So I'm really pleased that that's over with now.. :)

I helped mom book her flight tickets last night. So it's all confirmed now..mom is flying to Melbourne on the 27th night, for good. I mean, she'll probably be back once a year or something..but yeah..she's moving to Melbourne. And I'll be moving to my dad's place. I'm not really looking forward to this drastic change in my life but I'm sure the Lord will be with me and give me comfort when I need Him most.

It's Chinese New Year this coming Thursday!! I love CNY because it's just such a great time to get together with family members who you don't meet up with very often. I really wished my brother could come home to celebrate it with us but unfortunately his work doesn't allow it.

This past week there have been numerous enquiries as to my relationship status..I don't know if it's all the festivities coming up, and what with Valentine's Day around the corner, but everyone seems all hyped up about my being single! Haha. It's not that I'm intentionally trying to stay single, but so far everytime I felt like something might actually happen, it doesn't work out in the end. No matter how close it was. And it boggles my mind at times, but at the same time I'm happy that I didn't get into a relationship with anyone before really getting to know the person. In the past few months, I feel like I've learnt to enjoy just getting to know more and more people, and I'm not over-bothered with getting into a relationship just yet. It's only when someone actually asks me out that I get all flustered and don't know what to do. So maybe its a good thing that this doesn't happen very often. Hehe! Goodnight everyone.. :)

For there is a season for everything..

2011-01-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

For there is a season for everything,

That's what You told me.

I often retract into my shell when I'm sad,

Feeling more alone than ever, while wondering why I can't express myself.

And the more alone I feel, the more I feel as if You are sitting high up there watching me,

Laughing at how silly I am.

But then I remember, that You also promised me that You will never leave me.

Through each and every hurdle, and every painful experience,

You promised me.

And I realise that You were never sitting high up there laughing at me,

But You were heartbroken, wondering why I never shared my sorrow so You could cry together with me.

2011-01-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

Being a brave girl is very tiring...

But this is the toughest part .. and I know it is all worth the pain and patience.

2 more sleeps!

2010-12-19T23:43:00.000+08:00

2 more sleeps till my mommy gets home...
I miss her so much even now when she is only gone for a week for holiday...What am I gonna do when she moves to Australia permanently?

On a random note, this is the type of guy I hope I will find one day...if I haven't already..
If I wake up in the middle of the night from a bad dream, I hope I'll turn and see you sleeping peacefully beside me..and I will hug you and smile...and I hope my thoughts would be "I'm glad we're in this together"..

Little update.

2010-12-12T00:21:00.001+08:00

I didn't mention in my blog that I went to Bali last month to visit the children who I spent 3 months with a few months ago. Its really confusing for some of my friends who I'm not in constant contact with, and they just can't figure out where am I in the world at the moment. For your info, if you were wondering, I'm back in Malaysia and working as a mechanical engineer in a Mechanical & Electrical consultant company in Taman Mayang, Petaling Jaya.

So anyway, I was back in Bali for a month, staying at the children's home the whole time.
All I can say is that it was amazing to see the children again..and I feel so much a part of them and they are so much a part of me that I didn't feel like a guest there anymore. And it was so surprising that I could flow right back into speaking Indonesian..and it felt like I never left.

We had a walk through the rice fields one day, and another day, a group of us went into the city to watch Harry Potter! I have a really good friend there who I can talk to about anything. He is the sweetest and nicest boy I have ever met! We actually talked about watching Harry Potter coming out in November before I left Bali in September, and we were saying we could watch it at the same time, me in Malaysia and him in Bali. Who knew that I would actually be back there the exact week that it was released..=)

It was also especially nice because my 'godmother' decided to book tickets to Bali to meet me there when I told her about my decision to go for a week. Even though she was going to be back there in 2 weeks. And she is actually there right now! I'm a little jealous that I can't be there again so soon...but I'm really happy because she gives me little reports about how the children are, and what they are doing, and where they are going for outings..

So that was my little visit to Bali, now back to the present.

I've been really busy at work. And it doesn't stop. I always try to clear my work as soon as possible, and sometimes when I'm so close to finishing, my lead engineer hands me another few piles of documents to work on! Hahaha. The average time I leave the office now is around 8.30pm, and there was one day when I left at 9.30pm. Seeing the sun still up when I leave the office is a very rare occurance now.

But I truly enjoy my job. So far I work well with my colleagues, and even when I have tonnes of work, I don't mind! And I realise it is really a blessing to be able to find such a job, and I am thankful for it.

I went for blood donation this morning in Tropicana City Mall. They poked the needle into my left arm, but somehow, the vein closed and my blood just refused to flow out anymore. So they had to poke my right arm. And now I have 2 sore arms. I always have complications when I donate blood, or when they are trying to get blood from me for blood tests. The last time I donated blood, my arm had a HUGE bruise which stayed for about a week. And considering how sore my arm feels right now, I'm expecting a bruise to appear by tomorrow morning. :(

Well, I'm off to bed..but before that, just to share with you..
I've found that it is good to start and end your day with laughter. Especially if you had too little sleep the night before, starting the day by reading or watching something funny will lighten your mood and give you a great start to your day. And no matter how tired or how bad a day you had, ending your day with laughter will give you an outlet for the pressure built up in you so that you can have a good night's sleep. So what I do each morning is to watch something funny/sweet/happy on Youtube while having breakfast before going to work. And to listen to some songs at night before sleeping. Any emo/sad/angry songs are filtered out.

So I wish all of you a pleasant start to tomorrow, a lovely simple day, and a happy close to the day.

Your grace

2010-12-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

For Your grace in my life amazes me...and I cannot help but thank You and praise You every waking moment...

I'm going down this path...

2010-12-04T14:37:00.001+08:00

If after considering all the options, you realised that you don't have a choice,

that this is the only one which would make you happy..

If after waiting for some signs to show you if it is indeed the only one, the road suddenly, against all odds, opens up for you to walk down that path..

Would you do it?

If you were given a clear chance to go after the one thing which you are convinced holds the key to your life happiness...

Please, don't hesitate.

If you are so certain that that something/some place/someone is the guarantee to your happiness, what choice do you have but to risk it all and chase it?

You would be so proud of me..

2010-11-13T01:21:00.000+08:00

You would be so proud of me if you could see me now..
I'm now the person you always hoped I would be.
It's really ironic that it's only now that I learned how to be this better person.
But maybe that's how it is. I probably would never have learned to be this person if I continued to be with you.

You really would be proud of me...

And I'm in love and I'm terrified...

2010-11-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

I only said it 'cause I mean it
I only mean 'cause it's true
So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming
'Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life....

The paradox of pursuing happiness..

2010-11-06T02:53:00.001+08:00

I posted this on Facebook and it seems that many people agree with this phrase that I read in a book.

"The three components of happiness are :

something to do, someone to love,

and something to look forward to."

As we all can see for ourselves, this world is filled with many(a bit too many) people who are very unhappy with their lives. But why? The world seems to be getting richer and richer, from footballers who earn millions of pounds a week to bank CEOs who get 80% increments + millions as their annual bonus. The world has never seen so much money. So, if what Malcolm Forbes says is true, that "Anyone who thinks that money can't buy happiness is shopping in the wrong places", then many of us should actually be laughing all day long.

The sad thing about this is that what we witness couldn't be more different to what theory dictates.

The writer defines "something to do" as work that we are passionate about. Many people get so bored with their jobs because it was never their passion to begin with.

So if you manage to find something to do which you absolutely enjoy,
if you have love all around you - parents, siblings, that special someone, or your children,
and if you have something look forward to - a nice vacation to enjoy the fruit of your labor, for example..
Then I believe that you can't say that you are unhappy.

I would love to be able to tell all the unhappy people...
Please don't sacrifice your relationships and time with your loved ones for work.
Never get into that cycle where you lose track of whether you work to live or live to work.

I truly wish that someone can learn something from this, just like how I did. Wishing all of you happiness and love in your lives...=)

p/s: I always put in the title after I've finished writing a blog post..and I just typed "The pursuit of happiness" and realised what a paradox it is....Will we ever be able to stop pursuing and just let happiness come?

If you ever choose to love someone...

2010-11-04T00:07:00.001+08:00